1. Table-side prepared guacamole: Guacamole is not expensive to make and truly good guacamole does not require a million ingredients as many lame-ass "Mexican" restaurants in the District lead you to believe. My dad, as a guacamole purist, enjoys a small squeeze of lime, salt, a dash of garlic powder and that's it. I enjoy adding more ingredients like chopped cilantro and hot sauce, but not much else. Guacamole doesn't need more or else you can't taste the avacado (which is what you're paying for). Real restaurants know this, but the shitty restaurants (think along the lines of Cafe Atlantico, and Rosa Mexicana) get away with charging $8-10 for two avacados worth of "guacamole" because they mash the avacado at your table and allow you to choose which ingredients you want from their shitty mise en place. It's the worst! (I assumed Loriol Plaza did this as well, since their food, kitsch, and popularity is absolutely the worst, but I was wrong... they still suck).
2. Crazes that go on for too long in D.C., like cupcakes and "upscale" burgers. Those trends are over and for good reason! Get with the times, D.C.- give me the local beer, ramen shops, and macaroons that have been big in NY for over a year now! Stop opening new cupcake shops! Sprinkles, don't you see the line wrapped around the corner of Georgetown Cupcakes (arguably the worst, but coincidentally the most popular, cupcake shop in D.C.)? Why would you want to open a nearby shop?!? Fools!
3. Fried food for happy hour: Why is it that the only food on most happy hour menus are fried?! It makes me both mad and fat. I enjoy the occasional 1/2 price cocktails and $1 oysters at places like Urbana and Hank's, but usually I'm in the mood for a cold, delicious beer. So when I end up at virtually any bar in the District and throw back a couple of pints, I often find myself in need of a snack. Especially now that my friends and I remain essentially unemployed, the need for making a meal out of a happy hour is crucial. Often
(I'm going with 95% of the time), the only items on the menu are either fried or covered in cheese. Nachos, fries, wings, croquettes, taquitos, quesadillas, onion rings, fried pickles, ... and the double disaster- fried mac-n-cheese. I was at Acadiana last week and their half price apps menu consisted of 14 items (8 of which were fried... aside form the oysters, the rest of the items weren't any better) Come on people- give us some healthy-er alternatives! Anyone who knows me knows that I am all for fattening food so long as it's delicious...but this fried food thing is getting ridiculous.
4. Georgetown Cupcakes: Yes GC, you got your own bullet point- I loathe you that much. First, you started the trend in D.C., so kudos to you. But somehow the idea that cupcakes were the best dessert in the entire world infiltrated every person's mushy brain and the trend has NEVER stopped. NEVER! In almost 4 years! Then you got a ridiculous "reality" television show on TLC (I can say ridiculous, because I watched 2 episodes) that cannot possibly be even remotely based on reality, because if it was- you two girls are the worst business owners ever and have no business running a... well, business(seriously, you built a giant cupcake mask for a mardi gras party and forgot to see if it would fit through the office's doors first?!? Come on.). This show increased their popularity and now the lines don't just go out the door- There is not a time that I have driven by and not seen the line at least 30 deep. Ridiculous for cupcakes that are more often than not dry and often have a cream cheese frosting when it should be buttercream. Gah!
5. "Upscale"/ "Gourmet" burger joints: I spent too long getting angry at the 4 aforementioned peeves, so this will be brief. Why is this trend so popular when Ray's Hell Burger and Palena exist? There is no way to compete with them. Also, if people want a good burger, there's a 5-guys on practically every corner and pretty much any local bar does a fine job with a juicy grilled burger. So why are the likes of Bobby Flay & Co opening burger joints as if the world depended on it? I don't want to spend $8 for a small, "gourmet" burger when I can spend less than that and sink my teeth into the best burger of my life at Ray's. It's infuriating, and these shops are taking up the space that could be used for better endeavors... like ramen!